feel good inc.

I cannot even begin to chronicle the going ons of this weekend.

I have to say I am left devoid of any words that can sum up this weekend. Simply put this was the most white trash extravaganza every...

For those special few of you I get the chance to hang out with and relay some of these tales too, consider yourselves lucky ;).

SO! This most important points of this weekend.

-Got to visit one of my best friends and his girlfriend.
-Had the opportunity to try buy some Salvia.(most thoughts on this here)
-Picked up 3 fat 30 sacks and devirginized a corncob pipe.
-Tripped balls, smoked alot of weed, got drunk, came out of the weekend with $$ and drugs.

Right now Im waiting on 150mg of tramadols to kick in(I took it easy since its been...uh a few days.)Damn, Im such a heroin addict in the making. Its weird looking at your life knowing one day it'll all goto waste(lolz jking ;) ).

Hm, I just got distracted for 25m, while I owned the shit out of myself in order to reset my aim password...in a complete circular manner.

Alright Im high itchy out.

-fgi

Fat joint + 100mg more tramadol.

Feeling great!

Off to bed, almost on the nod =).

[tramadols]         <=> washing over me.
[weed]              <=> kicked in.
[music]             <=> on.
[articles to read]  <=> yes.
[people to talk to] <=> mostly.
[drugs]             <=> stash(1.5 grams of weed, 850mg of tramadols, 20 coricidin, 
[-----]             <!> 1 joint).
[-----]             <!> me(200mg of tramadol, 100mg more on the way, 1 large bowl in 
[-----]             <!> my old glass piece)
[drug accessories]  <=> glass bowl w/ glass screen, glass bat, metal bowl, grinder,
[-----]             <!> extra screens, rolling papers, bags of various sizes
[food]              <=> drink+greasy chinese.
[enjoyment time]    <=> little to none, but i love every mintue on these tramadols 
[-----]             <!> more and more.
[incense]           <=> Emerald  - Awareness | well I do kinda wanna be aware 
[-----]             <!>                  for a while.
[-----]             <!> Amethyst - Balance   | yeah I'd like to maintain this for as long 
[-----]             <!>                        as possible.

                   
====================================================================================

Well this seems like a pretty perfect night except the time part =/.

So the stash box came out today, mainly for cleaning up + carefully placing my old bowl(that I havent been using much since the metal piece). But also for the ceremonious addition of izmir stingers to the stash box. They come in a very nice tin, are only 7.25$ and smell like raspberries(lol) but smoke like regular smokes.

Even though I bought these it doesn't mean I've started smoking again though, I only smoked one today right after I bought them. I didn't even have one for the ceremonious addition of the inzmir stingers =/(I just like saying that). Whereas at the apartment such an event would merit atleast 4 cigarettes min. lighting up :P.

So I bought the newest 2600 and it looks shitttttttty. I saw some lamer kid today buying a copy of it,
I tried having a conversation with him but he was fucking stupid. I did have a really good conversation with a guy about vi and shell scripting, so that made up for it. Turned out the guy was running an AIX system but has never touched BSD.

Weird.

Whats that? Hunger pangs? Better take the tram now! Ugggh I think Im kinda addicted to these. 850mg might sound like alot to you but in reality its about 2-3 doses. Last night skirted into my top 5 alltime highs.

1. las vegas without a doubt
2. new paltz that time w/ brad
3. 400mg of tramadols+weed in sept.
4. chronic(not sure 1st or 2nd time)
5. the first night I smoked at the apartment, with the lights off and all these towering boxes all over.

Damn lots of sad memories tonight.

Grr.

I think you grind your teeth on these tramadols, my jaw hurts alot when I wake up in the morning. But it also could be I'm speaking alot more at work compared to ummm talking on vent. Just saying the borders reward garbage or greeting a customer is more than I might say in 4-5 AB games with the HWL team. I say the HWL team cause I'm a bit more chatty on bullies vent =).

God I'm so glad I quit that game. I'm defnitely going to check out BC, but for now I could care less. My rank is probablly below 9 by now and when I log in there's nothing really to do that wouldn't consume most of my time.

Rather be a casual player(omgwtf no), I quit.

Alright maybe I'll have more to say later after I tweak some c++ code.

I dont feel numb anymore...now I feel itchy.

EDIT: As bad as 'numb' is, 'touched' makes a great 'itchy'.

again lol.

-fgi

Which boiled down to:

-joint
-300mg of tramadol(200mg to start 100mg later to 'boost' the effects)

So Ive stopped really 'partying' in the sense that Im going places with lots of people. But my enjoyment has def. gone up =). More drugs for me! Its nice to have a quarter actually last like... a week =). Its nice to actually think about the future and be like, 'yeah, we can smoke a joint next thursday'. Instead of being like 'How soon till I'm left with smoking resin'. I really think Im done with the leechers and backstabbers in my life. Ive really decided Id rather stay home than have to deal with other people and their drug habits. My own drug habit is enough to deal with.

So I've been shopping around on some online phrams and found some good prices on adderall =).

EDIT: The picture for numb is so fucking stupid, I love feeling numb if you catch my drift =) So why is the fucking picture look horrible. I was going to try and put something nicer and change the caption to 'numb' but I decided last minute I should show you just how bad this looks.

lol.


-fgi

So these painkillers seem to take longer to kick in than I read... But damn Im feeling pretty good right now =). My cold is mostly gone so I feel pretty good. After mentioning to a girl I work with that my cold was 'ruining my partying' she pestered me to answer what 'partying' meant just drinking or '...'. She just trailed off.

The rest of my day was pretty lonely and uneventful. Though I did have one woman ask me if a 'mouse mat' was the same as a 'mouse pad' (for a computer. I looked at the product and it looked indeed like a mouse pad. She then asked me if I could verify it and I was like (wtf...)'how would you test something like this, do you want me to put a mouse on it or something'

'No, I want you to call a manager over'

At which point I radio'd over a manager and moved to a different register to keep the line moving.

He explained to her mouse mat was the same as moues pad just from in the UK.

=/

So In my resin stupor of the other day(read: last post) I had a very interesting experiance, I was wandering around my house in this clumsy , slow, stupid resin high and I banged my head into a shelf. Lo' and behold I find 2 bottles with 180 50mg tramadols in them(Total a little over 350+ pills). So yeah as Im writing this now, the craziest waves of opiated pleasure are rolling over my body. If only I have some benedryl for the itching. Shit, I knew I shouldnt have drank that bottle of liquid benedryl I had to try and goto sleep a few restless months ago. Anyways I can only hope Im not hungover for work/school...

alright im nodding off.

best regards,
-fgi

So this past tuesday was a rough day, started school and a new job(Im a 'bookseller', we are all 'booksellers'. hehehehe, No really Im a bookseller). I didn't make rank 10 this week on World of Warcraft, I think Im going to quit that shit. Actually on a funny side note the last time I logged in was tuesday and I decided to quit that day, wednesday morning I woke up covered in sweat and goosebumps, feeling sick as a dog, or rather a depraved junkie. I mean realisitically spending that much time exposed to the elements(read: mall trash) I most likely contracted a cold/flu of some sort, but part of me likes to entertain the thought Im wowsick ;).

So since it was the first class on wednesday I HAD to go, and in my delerium I forgot my schedule at home, couldnt find the class, and arrived 10mintues late despite having 45 mintues to find the class. I was too out of it to really form an opinion on the class, though the teacher seems like a well educated guy on the subject material(with real world experiance! street cred, yo).

So this sickness follows me into thursday which I have class from 9am-11am (didnt go lolz too sick) and work from 4pm-11pm(reason I didnt goto class). Work actually went alot better than I thought, it was my first day out of training, had alot of fun despite I felt like dying(atleast I didn't look like death persay). So this kind of sucks, I free friday but I open on saturday...what the fuck... So I spend my thursday night not doing anything cause I got out too late and felt like shit(I also haven't eaten in like a day...cool my stomach hates me now). I did watch trainspotting however, interesting film to say the least, though the ending was kind of like... what the fuck. I guess I have different expectations when I see a film with such grim prospects(Rules of Attraction, Requiem for a Dream, etc) where they paint drug use/abuse in such a horrible light, and the end just turned out... so blah... I mean like 2 people died the entire film, I want the entire cast fucked over in a major manner, something dramatic that takes the entire film to build up to a letdown. Not something thrown together in the last 30m of the film and the main characters get robbed of something they only had for a minute period of time(both in the film and in the time depicted in the film).

So all this is leading up too me missing partying. I miss the late nights and groggy mornings, I miss feeling out of control drunk or high. Thought I know this is for the best, my tolerance will go down and I'll learn to cherish the time I have off...It just feels like there is an important part of my daily life cycle missing. The phone calls, the chasing people down, making deals, turning around money in order to get fucked up.

*sighs*

This fucking sucks, Ive lost where I was again...

So I had an interesting saturday night, took me two days to decide about it. A friend of mine I hold in high regard drank and smoked too much and got very sick. Proceeding to vomit all over another friends living room. In retrospect we think its actually kind of funny, but we can never go back there out of embarassment.

LOL

So tomorrow I start working and start going to class. Its such a radical change the only thing I can cling to is going out tonight and smoking with a friend.

I guess its the only thing I can relate too anymore, things are moving outward in such odd directions. I guess things are looking up.

There is one friend I dearly miss seeing, who isnt going to read this...but I'm barreling towards you buddy, just hang in there =).

I watched spun today, Awesome film when you're baked, great comic relief in a sick sense.

Tonight I'll sit around pushing my shit down the drain, using a plunger and a clothespin while i wrangle with the chain.
Tonight I'll have potato chips and watch my favorite shows then watch some infomercials, then watch some tv show.
Tonight I'll have 9 or 10 beers, tonight I'll talk on the telephone mindlessly until my ear burns from the feeling, from the strain of active nothing.
Tonight I'll avoid my hopes and fears.
Tonight I'll play shitloads of video games.
Tonight I'll decide too late to go get on the train and play out my stupid, misguided version of fun. Tonight I'll get stupid fucking drunk and be an idiot, ashamed of what i've done.
Tonight I'll bang out another shitty song thats unsatisfying.
Its been so fucking long since i really felt any other way.
Tonight I'll crumple up these lyrics and throw them away.
Tonight I'll make promises i know I'll never keep.
Tonight ill talk on the telephone, wishing i had the energy to sleep.
Tonight I'll sit around and bitch.
Tonight I'll get hungry staring at the mustard in my empty fridge.
Maybe tomorrow I won't smoke no cigarettes.
Maybe tomorrow I won't look back on tonight with vomit and soaked regrets.
Maybe tomorrow I won't drown myself in spite.
Maybe tomorrow I could try and tomorrow can be beter than tonight.
Sleep well and dream. Plastic pillow that give way to someplace green. Sleep well and dream.

So I got drunk last night and wrote a 6 page letter, or maybe a collection of thoughts would be a better use of words, but they're one and the same. Anyways so I wrote a 6 page letter to someone, that I probablly should send to them, but I don't have the balls to do so, and I said that in the letter. Maybe I should just bite the bullet and do it, though typing out all those words will be fucking rough, since it was hard enough to write out once already...

More on my night later...